Thursday, May 13
DID I ALWAYS KNOW?
I always felt a little bit different. I was a precocious child. I demanded a lot of attention. I think if I hadn't grown up on a small island where everyone was pretty laid back, I would have been put on medication right from the get go. These things are in retrospect. I grew up a pretty good kid. Didn't skip any school until grade 11. My mom made my lunches every day until grade 10. I didn't lie. I didn't have teen sex. I was popular. I was called weird a lot, but generally was ok. Except I always felt like I was missing something. I knew some of it was because my Bio-dad was out of the picture early (more on that later) but I had a fantastic step Dad whom I had known since I was 3. Things sometimes seemed to come a little harder to me. I struggled for approval. I struggled with not looking like everyone else, and later in life (around 18) I struggled with myself. I was at war. I knew depression ran in my family. I never really considered myself depressed. Until it stopped happening once in a while and it was happening all the time. It made everything harder.I also thought life was really hard for everyone, not just me. I thought life was supposed to be a battle of wills with the Universe. I lost constantly.But I thought everyone lost. Then when I was 19 I began cutting myself.