Wednesday, June 14

Chemo Coaster

                                                 I've titled this picture the Chemo Coaster.

8:00 am--It's the day after my first chemo (1 down 5 to go!), it's early morning and Jake and I are sitting on the couch together watching Finding Dory. I've had a small bowl of oatmeal, my anti nausea meds and a coffee and I am so relieved to be feeling ok, I can't even tell you. Actually I will tell you because otherwise there would be no blog ha ha. Anyway, yesterday went off as expected (thank you Sarah, and Cindy for the heads up) I can't express enough how important it is to talk to people who have gone through this before! it has given me so much peace of mind to hear other journeys and help me set up some kind of order in my head about all of this crazy stuff.

10:00 am-- ok, so the nausea comes in waves, but it's about 2 on the scale. Eating small smacks about 2 hours apart has been helping. Jake and I went to the drop in centre we usually go to and had visit and some play time. I'm finding it a bit hard to concentrate, one of the anti nausea drugs is a stimulant to counter the drowsy of the other and it's making things a bit surreal. Like having just onnnee too many cups of coffee. No other physical stuff. Just kidding HOT FLASH

12:00--at the park, Jake is runing around the splashpad and I'm feeling gross. The Thought of walking all the way home is daunting, I call B for a pick up and we go home. I have a snack and feel better.

2:30--the nurse calls to make sure I'm on time to come for my injection lesson. You see one of the drugs, on top of the chemo, that I have to take is called Neupegen and it stimulates your bone marrow to make more white blood cells. It helps decrease the chances of infection while you have zero immunity. Anyway, it's a daily injection, like an insulin shot in the subcutaneous fat. The downside is, because your bones are working extra hard, there is a chance I will get aching in then and possibly flue like symtoms..Booo.... HOT FLASH

3:15--waiting to go in. I think sometimes this is the hardest part of the treatment, seeing so many other women in various stages of recovery and treatment, it's scary to see the others that might not be doing so well. I feel an immense amount of compassion for them and always hope the best. I chatted with a really nice older woman who was a year into her treatment, she asked me how it was going for me and where I was at. It was nice to make a connection. She looked good. She had already gone through her chemo and surgery. When I asked her if she had had surgery she nodded a little and looked down, very sad. I couldn't tell if they took one or bot of her breasts. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about that when he time comes. I am pretty sure we are going to take the whole right breast off. The lesson from the nurse went fine.

4:45--My friend T had come over to keep Jake and B company while I was gone and when I got back, she went and did a little grocery shop for me and I made supper. Then L came after work and took Jake to the park before we ate. It was a lovely family dinner, shake and bake chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, peas and corn and salad. I managed about half my chicken and all the veg, with about a cup of potato.

7:30--Jake was super tired so went upstairs to bed. I fell alseep with him and woke up at 10:30. The girls were gone but not without doing the dishes and tidying the toy mayhem that is my living room. Went back to bed. Woke a few times, felt gross, went back to sleep. End of day 1.

Lots of you sent messages during my treatment and it was so lovely, so thank you. And thank you for the phone calls and check ins. I can feel the love. ---Jeff

Sunday, June 11


                                   AND KEEPING THE UNKNOWN ALWAYS BEYOND YOU.
                                                                                                    -GEORGIA O'KEEFE

                                                         So I went and saw the Georgia O'Keefe exhibit at the AGO, and it was absolutely the perfect place for me to be. She is such a great artist, her pieces just exude strength and pure essence of the thing painted. Not really much to report on the appointment front. Had bloodwork and a chat with my  Chemo Oncologist, who at this point I had not met. He is the foremost Doctor in nausea treatment I've been told so thats a good thing! He has discovered Olanzepene treats nausea very effectively and prescribes it as needed, so we shall see.
                                                         I have been getting some twinges and a little bit of pain in my breast at the site. But it only seems to flair up when I'm talking about it or thinking really hard about it, so I'm not sure if that's real pain or psychosomatic. I am becoming used to the long waits and the appointments that go on forever already. I bring snacks and a book. I just got new readers that make look quite foxy, if I don't say so myself. Every day is a different day. Some days are good and it's business as usual, other days, there is crying at everything. I'm worried about worrying Jake, I'd like him to understand that even though I'm not well, I'm still me and I still love him. Tomorrow is the first chemo treatment at 1:30 and Brian and I will be going together. I'll let you know how it was. Today we are going to spent the sunny afternoon at Kensington market as a family, have some snacks, visit some friends and try and be as normal as possible.