Wednesday, March 17
Well, all these years I thought it could never happen to me again. I was in control tight, tight control. Letting only a little out at a time. Only letting out as much as I could handle at a time. No risks. No challenges. Safe. Choosing who, when , what. Now all of that is out the window. It overcame me like a swell in the ocean. One that looks small as it approaches and then takes you over and sweeps you out into the deep, with a smile on your face. LOVE. Not the fairy princess type of love, or the happily ever after. Real, gritty Love. When just looking at him gives you an adrenaline rush. Drinkin' wine at home into the wee hours, listening to all the music you forgot you owned. Watchin' all the movies you forgot you loved. Just being.
Tuesday, March 16
It's funny, I have spent 9 years actively trying to improve my life and get what I want/need out of it and I feel guilty for feeling that things are right. I have trouble telling people I am having a good life and that I am not too worried about things right now. you see I even qualify with a "right now". I am doing what I want to do with my life, I am with the man I want to be with and love. I am not starving, struggling or angry. Most days I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. It's going to be good.