Saturday, January 30


When I started therapy, I used to have very vivid dreams about buildings, big, empty buildings, skyscrapers that were just the empty shell, old barns with no glass, helicopter flyby scenes of destruction, like my own private hurricane disaster area.Yesterday I got a look inside someone elses hurricane disaster area from the past and it took me right back to my own GROUND ZERO. It was a surprise, I didn't expect to open my eyes and see the total destruction I thought I had repaired, up close and personal again. It wasn't raw, I mean 9 years of Primal Scream/Gestalt does actually heal some pain, it was more the realization that no matter how far away you get from it, it will always be a part of your landscape. There is no rebuilding on this spot. There is only acceptance of what happened and a survey of new ground to break in the hopes it does not happen again, or at least if it does, your foundation will hold.

Wednesday, January 27

I have been dreaming of the open sky again. The idea of a road trip, a journey, anywhere. Just get in a car and go. Get on a plane and fly. It is calling me, this traveling dream. I usually get this way when I am in school and things are locked in, I am locked in to the routine and can't get out until the end...Dreams of Paris... summer nights on a beach with a sparkling sky and a dreamy full moon...or a return to the frontier way of life, building a cabin with my own two hands from nothing...lovingly placing shingles on my roof and baking bread while my garden grows..spending the evenings snuggled up in a cozy bed, reading to my love by candle light...listening to the Cyotes outside howl mournful respite at the black sky.