Saturday, August 19

No Really, Rest Please.....

This is what I really look like right now, no filters no make-up.
 And you know what? I love my body. It is so much stronger than I thought it was, it constantly surprises me with it's determination and strength.  I feel like after this is over, I really could do anything. So I know some of you know the dream, but the dream is to get a boat, live on the boat and sail the world, particularly the Southern Indian Ocean. Ok let's backtrack, how did this treatment go?

This new drug is way different that the others. I's much more of a physical thing now than a mental.  I'm not nauseous, which is great, but the inside of my mouth feels like it's been scalded and all my food tastes weird and bitter, even water. I'm having some neuropathy which is random shooting pains all over my body that usually don't happen in the same place twice, which I'm taking advil for and I have a backup bottle of Oxycocet just in case it gets really bad. I take that mostly at night to fully relax. The Doctors give you a few days of a steroid called Dexamethazone to combat all the side effects which is good I guess, but then on the day you run out BAM. The fatigue is insane, I feel like I'm navigating through water. Try telling an active three year old Mummy is slow today...whew. Brian and Jake had movie day Wednesday, and our friend John took Jake in the afternoon on Thursday. Also L took Jake again to her cottage this weekend, which is how I'm able to blog and rest. I have a cheesy novel lined up and I plan on having a nap after my nap. Oh. and then a nap.
Also this taxotere must really be doing something to my cancer because my breast has been hurting in the effected area for two days. That is a good thing, it means it's dying and disintegrating. I am proud to have surprised my oncologist with the shrinking of the mass and the last time I went for an exam, he said he couldn't feel the mass at all, nor could he feel any abnormal lymphnodes so that is excellent. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma doesn't typically respond to Chemo by getting smaller, but mine did. I'm a realist, I think although this is great news, it really will only mean a smaller surgery for me. That's what sucks a bit, cancer can be microscopic and there really is no way yet to test if you are completely clear of it, the Oncologists never deal in absolutes, there is just no way of knowing. This will be my next challenge, when I'm finished all the stuff, the mental task of not worrying about it all the time. I've had all the tests and a genetic test, and so far there is nothing else showing, and I don't have a predisposition for breast cancer. When I have my surgery and radiation and then take Tamaxofen for 5 years (an estrogen blocking drug, as my cancer was estrogen positive and feeds on it), I will have the same chance of getting it in the other breast as any other 44 year old woman does of getting breast cancer in the first place....So it's day by day right now, I can see the end and I'm hoping for the best.

I know I do this at the end every time, but it has been so amazing receiving all the support notes and the cards and messages of love, I really feel it you guys, so thank you. Take care of eachother. J 

P.S. My friend Annie made me a Fuck Cancer mixed tape, you can hear it HERE