Wednesday, January 28

And the Years Passed...

Ok so there were some adventures between then and now of course but they don't really serve the purpose of our baby story. I moved in 2010, our story picks up in 2013...

B and I never really had "the talk" about wether we wanted to have kids or not but the time limit of my current IUD was about to expire and we had to at least talk about what we wanted to do regarding birth control. I don't remember the exact conversation, but we ended up agreeing to not use any form of birth control and see what happens. Now, in retrospect, this seems like a dumb move, I mean see what happens? we all know what happens when you do that!!! But, I was 40, and my cycle had gotten a hell of a lot shorter in the last few years, and I truthfully thought it could be possible that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant.....a year rolled by...and one day in July, I was riding my bike to work and I got doored and thrown into the road at College and Yonge.
Fortunately, I was not badly hurt. I was wearing a helmet, which really saved me ( it's not mandatory here in T.O. but every time I took my bike out I could hear my Dad's voice in my head telling me to wear it) and I walked away with minor bruises and a sore neck and back. Not really sore enough to go to the doctor right away, but that following weekend I was feeling under the weather,stiff and achy and then I realized I had missed my period. This was not uncommon in my menstrual history, I had missed a few over the years due to stress and whatnot, hell, even a Christmas had caused me so much stress I missed one!  But just to be sure that Sunday I bought a test at the drug store and took it. It was a very very faint positive, so I thought I should go to the doctor to confirm as well as get checked out from my crash. B was away, so it didn't really feel real, as I didn't have to share my concerns and my test with anyone, and I managed to stay in my little bubble of denial for the next day or two by watching a CSI marathon an drinking ginger ale. I went to the Doctor on Monday and as I was sitting there getting checked for injury, I casually mentioned I wanted a blood test to confirm or deny a pregnancy. I explained to her about the faint positive. She laughed and informed me that you cannot, in fact, have a false positive on the pee test, only a false negative because the hormone they test for only shows up when your pregnant. Duh!
I had no idea I would feel the way I did. You see, somehow in my mind all this time we weren't using birth control, and the fact that it was more than a year later, had somehow lulled me into a false sense of security, like if it hadn't happened now, it probably wouldn't. I had come to accept that me  and B would would carry on being  me and B, and that was fine. I liked our life, it wasn't like I was searching for the next thing, or feeling incomplete, I felt, well, good about everything.
And then with the news that our lives would change forever, I was filled with a huge sense of awe and fear and joy and terror and back to joy again...
I wandered out into the street after my Doctor and I chatted and set up some tests, got a coffee, and then realized I shouldn't have a coffee, then wandered the streets of downtown Toronto with this stupid grin on my face.
It really surprised me how happy I was.
I then bought a 12 year old bottle of scotch for B, went home and waited for him to come home.

Tuesday, November 18

the Arrival...

My trip was 7 days instead of the 5 we thought it would be, there was no ac in the truck(poor hot doggies!!) and we cracked a trailer hitch crossing the Canadian Shield..fortunately K had seen a billboard for a truck stop a few miles back and had memorized the number! This guy came in a huge trailer, with every mechanical tool you can think of in it. including the arc welder we needed to fix our hitch. We pulled in to Smiths Falls and collapsed for the night. In the morning we knew the truck and trailer were not meant to go any farther, so I left all my stuff except what I could carry to the bus depot and got on the next bus to Toronto. Here ends the historical overview of how I got to where I am now. The next chapters will be the story of how my bike got me pregnant and the aftershocks of thinking about being a Mom at 41.

Monday, October 20

And On...

As we set out to drive across Canada, we were all very optimistic about how long it would take and how we would travel. Scott was in the  suv, pulling a trailer full, me and Karen were in the truck with the three dogs and pulling a second trailer. There were signs in the beginning, you know, small ones you don't notice unless looking back over the events. We didn't actually leave the day we were supposed to, I spent two days with K and S at their trailer, having sold almost everything I owned and said my tearful goodbyes to friends and family, I had tied up this part of my life and was essentially in limbo. It felt strange, a closed door at my back, a wide open one in front, full of hope, full of promise, but also so full of the unknown it was terrifying. I had done this before, this pack-up-everything-I-own-to-go-chasing-a-boy-to -another-city thing, and had never really panned out. In fact the last time I did it, it had cost me my marriage. So here I was on the brink of a new adventure, missing my folks, missing my pets about to set out on one of the biggest adventures of my life!

Monday, October 6

The Story Continues...

After the buzz of a lovely Christmas in another town had worn off, we still had the issue of living long distance. Now that I knew it was for realz yo, it became harder and harder to stay put. I felt like ditching my last semester and just bolting.B came out around my Birthday and stayed for a month or two, and we made plans. B had to go back to T.O. for work and I was nearing my graduation date. One of my teachers at school approached me and said that her and her partner were moving to Ontario in July and wondered how I was going to get there, I said I didn't know because I really didn't have enough money to rent a truck, not to mention I didn't(don't) have a drivers license, plus, my stuff! Kindly she offered space in one of her two trailers for my things and a seat in the truck if I helped with her three dogs along the way. I quickly agreed. FINALLY! a plan in place, graduation imminent, Toronto here I come! oh wait. I have two cats that cannot ride in the pick up with me, that I must take with me...hmmmmm....Dad to the rescue! We bought carrying cases for them and drove them out to the airport 2 hours before their flight, only to be told they would not be taken as the cases were too small! We mad a mad dash to into Sydney to the small pet store there in hopes of finding what we needed. As we pulled up in the parking lot we could see several people waiting outside the shop..this did not look good, we were on a major time crunch mission and the buddy wasn't even on time to open the shop! I was very nearly hysterical at this point and thank god my Dad is as calm as f#ck, because we got the cases with no one getting hurt, managed to make the check in deadline to get the cats sent out AND he paid for the whole thing. Whew. Oh did I mention Brian hated cats? ( I say hated in the past tense as we all live  together now relatively conflict free). And so I held an indoor garage sale, sold everything I could ( I have very generous friends, they often gave me more than the asking price for things just to help out) gave the remainder of my things to my good friend Raya to hold on to and went my merry way out to Mechosin to Karen and Scott's to get ready for the departure, which was to happen in 2 days...

Monday, September 22

And So It Goes...

So we decided we were going to do this. But we really hadn't figured out how. That November I got a call from B's brother. As a surprise he wanted to fly me out to Toronto for Christmas! He also stipulated that it must remain a secret. That was very hard for me, as I love to tell people good news. By the time the flight date arrived I was ready to gnaw my own arm off, rather than spill the beans! i told B that he should call me on Monday as usual and that I had a few errands to run but should be around. His brother told him they needed him down at the studio work space for help with something and his partner and good friend said they had a maintenance window to do and could he come down to the office....Well I managed not to tell him, but when he called a few times and realized I had been incommunicado for hours and hours and his two closest people had two different stories as to why he MUST be at a said location, he put two and two together. But it was a lovely reunion, and a wonderful Christmas with lots of snow, food and family...