today love is soft and comforting. The delicious grey of an early morning. The crispness of the October air off my balcony. tomorrow it's for real and I can't wait.

Hmmmmm....

it is funny...just when you think you have love figured out, it shows you yet another part of yourself. Perhaps it is that I think too much on the subject and don't let it be.
These are the things I know for sure about love: it is strong. It can heal and it can hurt. You cannot love and not know heartbreak, but the risks are worth it. "It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all" is sound advice as cliche as it sounds. Love makes us more human. It can give us the strength to do things we might not have normally done. For me specifically, lately I have been shown the lengths I will go to for love (when I love someone I mean). and what lengths someone will go to for me. It astounds me that Shawn is willing to pack up and re-locate to where I am because of his love for me. I waffle between amazed elation and feeling like its crazy! In the late of the night, in the dark I wonder at it like it is an alien thing bizzare and glittering. Four days to try it out for real.......

TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF

I have decided to change the format of my blog and make it about my experiences with love. how it effects me and my view of the world as well as new discoveries about my self and others because of it.

Exciting and New

love has struck me dumb these past few months. I didn't actually believe I would be so lucky as to find the trueness of it ever again.I speculate wether I ever really found it before, in truth. This time it is not a fairytale I have projected onto another poor victim, it is the reality of love. Bumps and all, honesty, joy, laughter, tears, seriuosness, folly, poetry and music and some work. It is lovely.graceful as it is funny, old as it is new. We have knnow eachother in a past life I know it. How else can you explain the 'rightness' of it? the fit of ourselves into a journey together............sigh...........

there is freedom within love. A freedom I have never felt before. It is beautiful. I can stretch my wings, exersise my mind, flex my heart muscle to extend to everyone and everything including myself. ....which is new for me.The idea that I am with someone who's main delight in me is watching me be the fullest human I can be is mind blowing. I know no fear. I know no bounds. Neither does my love.

I feel today like I am the girl of endless possibilities. I can be who I am , I can do what I want, I can follow my heart, I can love. I was even compassionate towards the evil city workers who decided to saw down a tree right next to my building and then chip it all at around 8 am!! thats what happens when you have a day off in the middle of the week. It's not that quiet! anyway, dressed in red, rode my bike to the book store to sell some books and then went to china town to have an iced mocha and a huge slice of carrot cake. just because.

things have been moving very fast for me this last week! It is amazing how the universe opens up to you when you have made the right decisions. I have left Pete. It was something that I knew was coming but I have been in situations like this before and never had the nerve to say "my life path and me are more important than this". Pete moved most of his stuff out last monday/tuesday and then the landlord said he could rent our place for the first of May so I could move down a floor into a one bedroom right away! THANK YOU..........its so lovely of a one bedroom. good size, dining room nook ( sewing station methinks), balcony, new appliances, $760.00. I still care very much what happens to Pete and I hope that he and I can maintain some kind of relationship. I am so looking forward to single life. I think I am going to become a Nun of sorts. I am also considering Vegitarianism. I just know my spiritual side will fill and grow as I get to know myself better.

So I started a drawing yesterday and it is disturbing me. It is of a little girl holding some flowers in her hand but the other arm ends in a stump. I am exploring water colours and it is a lovely way to layer colour and get depth, especially in fabric. What is she waiting for? lately I have felt like praying but what do you say to someone you haven't spoken to for 20 some odd years? Gahhhh..........