Wednesday, June 7

Ready Set Go....

                                          (illustration by Raffi Anderian)

Ok, yesterday I got the results of my CT scan (chest, thorax, abdomen) and it looks like my cancer has not metastasized! YYYAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! this waiting for the tests, and then having the tests and then the waiting for the results gig really sucks. I have given up most coffee as my anxiety level had been very high lately. For a few reasons (obviously). When I was first diagnosed, and the doctor only had my ultrasound and my mammogram to look at, he suggested I would have a lumpectomy first, then chemo, then radiation. My bone scan came back clean, so I was stoked, it hadn't spread there. Then  I had my MRI which wasn't as scary as the scenes you see on TV, it made  that sounded to me like minimalist techno beep, beep, beep beep beeeeeeep.
There's a feature of being with Princess Margaret, they give you access to your results and appointments in a webpage called the patient portal. Now this is great and crappy at the same time. Great because you can see when all of your appointments come up, but crappy because if you get a scary test that is hard to interpret yourself, you have to wait until your doctors appointment to have it deciphered. So when I had my MRI and got my results 24 hours later, I read that everything was as we thought. then I got a call that my surgery had been cancelled and that I would be starting chemo almost right away. It turns out it is bigger than we thought 5cm wide by 6.5 cm long, up the side of my breast, they also saw 3 satellite spots than need to go and it got upgraded to stage 2/3. (which means it hasn't spread(stage 3) but because of my lymph node and the size it's close) I was pretty upset. Needless to say, the surgeon suggested a mastectomy instead of lumpectomy. I agree.
You see, invasive lobular carcinoma has a predisposition to be "fuzzy" around the edges, sort of like a childrens picture of the sun with the little offshoots or tendrils. They are notoriously difficult to remove with "clean margins" (all of it). And my surgeon said he could do his best but there might be some left that he cant see or get to. So I say cut it off. I want %100 cancer free, lets not fuck around with my life ok? So that's what that first picture up there is all about. that lovely girl has had a double mastectomy and had reconstruction and tattoos. Gorgeous right? anyway, I'm only having one taken and we will see how my skin reacts to the surgery and radiation.My next post will be less about the technical and more about how I've been feeling.

Just a side note WOW!!!!!!! I am so overwhelmed and grateful for all of your love and support! When I told the INTERTRON about what was happening to me, I had no idea how much love I would be getting from all of you so thank you so much. It really means a lot to me that you all have my back, and want to follow me in my journey. And I didn't mention this in the first post but  I love all of you too, and just the thought of you guys thinking I am strong has helped me stay strong. My BFF Casey has been communicating with me through Whatsapp, leaving voice messages and sending pictures, then I get to reply. It's sort of like a conversation but on your own time. If any of you Victoria peeps would like to do that you should download it to your phones!! it's nice to hear the day to day from others it makes me feel like we are sitting and having a cup of tea on a cozy afternoon. Love you.

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