Into the Next...

So cutting my hair was absolutely the right thing to do, even though my hair was fairly short to begin with, there was something sad about running my fingers through it and coming out with 30 hairs instead of three or four! The only mistake I made was not letting Jake help me do it, for as soon as I came downstairs fro the bathroom he threw a fit crying and chanting don't cut your hair Momma don't cut your hair. After he calmed down, I figured out, by asking him questions, that he was upset, not about the haircut itself, but about the fact that I did it by myself and didn't let him help. I had forgotten how much silver I have in my hair, and I must admit, I have cut it down to 1/2 an inch, and I look a teeny bit like Carol from The Walking Dead. Now if only Daryl loved me as much as he loves her!! I'm at the hospital today for bloodwork and oncology pre chemo check in. I put make up on and my spiffy shoes. It's funny that now of all times I feel like I need to care about that stuff again. I feel good with makeup on and I want to start caring for my health and appearance more. I think cancer for a lot of us is a wake up call you know? You really have to get to know your body again and do constant check ins to see where your head is at. Foraging a new connection to yourself through sickness, is new to me, but it's vital. I feel more alive right now than I have in years, connecting with the things I like and people I love has re grounded me, I feel strong. Yesterday I went to see another Doctor for an un cancer related issue, I had bee referred to this specialist before I was diagnosed but decided to keep the appointment and let her know what was going on for me. After the "I have cancer" chat, she asked me if I was going to get a mastectomy or not. I said I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but that most likely, they would take at least the one. She said "well, I had the same cancer as you, and I had them take both breasts and give me implants, and I've never looked back, you too, will get through this, it's only a bump in the road of your life, you are going to be fine". It still surprises and amazes me, how many women are touched by this disease, and how wonderful it is to get a random surprise "yaay, you, you got this" from someone I've just met. Not to mention all of the love and positive messages from all of you, my friends and family. Thank you. I can't begin to explain how wonderful it feels to hear all of you (sometimes daily!) telling me you care and that I've got this. The thing running through my head today is about knuckle tattoos F#CK CNCR... just a thought. Just a reminder that my treatment is Monday at 130 my time which is 1030 west coast time, feel free to message me while I sit in the chair!! I've also posted photos of the new hair on my instagram account here.
until next time, J