OK,OK...

So I have been terrible about writing my blog this past couple of weeks....I guess I bit off a bit more than I can chew right now...the end of school is nearing and I am moving to a new city so what I am going to do now is write once a week and see how that goes.

DID I ALWAYS KNOW? PART2

Bear with me as I try and condense a complex story into a tiny article! I definitely need to write longer pieces so there is more explanation of things I would also like to say that my early life was not all doom and gloom. I grew up fairly happy. I lived on the beach all summer with my dog, I had friends..it was only when I reached my late teens early 20's when I began feeling really different and struggled with identity and struggled with finding my path in life.

DID I ALWAYS KNOW?

I always felt a little bit different. I was a precocious child. I demanded a lot of attention. I think if I hadn't grown up on a small island where everyone was pretty laid back, I would have been put on medication right from the get go. These things are in retrospect. I grew up a pretty good kid. Didn't skip any school until grade 11. My mom made my lunches every day until grade 10. I didn't lie. I didn't have teen sex. I was popular. I was called weird a lot, but generally was ok. Except I always felt like I was missing something. I knew some of it was because my Bio-dad was out of the picture early (more on that later) but I had a fantastic step Dad whom I had known since I was 3. Things sometimes seemed to come a little harder to me. I struggled for approval. I struggled with not looking like everyone else, and later in life (around 18) I struggled with myself. I was at war. I knew depression ran in my family. I never really considered myself depressed. Until it stopped happening once in a while and it was happening all the time. It made everything harder.I also thought life was really hard for everyone, not just me. I thought life was supposed to be a battle of wills with the Universe. I lost constantly.But I thought everyone lost. Then when I was 19 I began cutting myself.

NEW STUFF SOON!!

I have been fine tuning my ideas for this blog and I am getting really excited about starting!so here is my mission statement
1. I will post twice a week. Wednesday and Friday for now, when I move to Toronto, because of a new work schedule this might change.
2. In my articles I will try and offer links to the professionals who can help, or to websites about the subject I am writing.
3. I will NOT EVER claim to be an expert on mental health issues or coping/healing methods, I am writing about what I know from my direct experience.
4.I will always warn readers ahead of time if I think the content of specific blogs are hard to read. This is going to be no holds barred writing, so it could get messy.
5. I will always tell it like I know it. I will never lie, change facts (except maybe names) or doctor up a story for sensationalism.
5. If someone is kind enough to tell me their story or part of their story, I will never betray confidence. I will never tell anyone's secrets except my own.

CHANGE OF BLOG.....

After doing some thinking about how to reach more people and write about something more people will find interesting, I have decided to change my blog. I do enjoy writing about the everyday stuff in my life, but anyone can do that, and who am I to think that things in my life are that interesting to anyone else but me? I love the fact that some of my nearest and dearest read faithfully. I don't want to change that, but I want to make a difference, I want to help. I want to add something to peoples existence in a positive way. Give something back. That is why I have decided, after digging out my 12 plus journals, that I am going to write about my life as a young girl, the depression, the discovery of repressed memories about my dad molesting me, the pain, the medication, the therapy, the healing and how I got through it. If I can reach one person and let them know they are not alone, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that they are not a freak/outcast/misfit destined to try and eke out a pale existence instead of living a full and authentic life, then I will have done the world a service...it will take me some time to change the blog so I am going to keep posting regular stories about my everyday until then perhaps 2 weeks from now?