NOT A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME...

I know it has been a little while since I have written but all of my enthusiasm seems to have gone out the window. I did go to Regina for a week. I came home 3 days early. I got food poisoning and Shawn and I decided we are not going to work. I am heartbroken. I had not truely let someone in for so long I had foolishly forgotten the price for all of the highs you feel in Love! I will say that it WAS WORTH IT. It is always worth it, for if you cannot open your heart to love your heart will never open. I loved him more freely than anyone I have ever loved, I was myself with him more than I had ever been with a man. Best of all I believe he loved me back.
So, I am not moving to the Praries. I am now struggling to find good roots here again, having started to dig them up and seperate for the move, I find I am a bit lost as to where I want to be and what I am going to do......I have work ( thank God!) and I have another year of school to think about. Least of all are my worries about love...it will find me again..I can love....I am loveable....onward I go.......

5 MORE SLEEPS!

I leave on Friday morning to go to Regina for ten days! I am definitely looking forward to having a break from school and going to see my sweetie. It sounds like Matt wants to stay in the house which means having a roommate if we stay there too, which I don't mind the idea of. It's just been a while since I've had to live with anyone, let alone a boyfriend and a roomate. I don't think it will be a problem except that he has a really cool cat that will be there too and we all know Luccia and how spazzy she is. Shawn doesn't like her, and I try not to take it personally but I screwed her up as a kitten because I was so needy and I feel she really has to stay with me. I love her and she is part and parcel with me so I guess I will wait and see what happens! anyway, it's a good sign that the only thing I am worried about is cats getting along! ha ha. I hope Melissa will be able to pick me up from the airport if Shawn is working...I want to go to Weyburn anyway and it would be cool for her and me to have a visit. sigh....exams and presentations this week......

AAAKKKKK!!!

This week has gone by so quickly and so slowly at the same time! I have been really sick, not able to go to school or really do anything and it is driving me MAD. I have been going through all of my stuff and "pruning" , getting rid of stuff I don't think I really need anymore. I must admit it is a lot easier than I thought it would be! I keep flashing to when I was leaving Victoria to join Lyle in Ottawa ( 1991) and how I was trying to cram 'just one more book" into my huge already stuffed army Duffel bag that Tommy gave me. I took so much unnecessary crap with me then! I knew this only when I had to cart it all back with me later.uhg. I am still excited though. Every time I come here to blog I see the photo I have there of the wide open space and I get a thrill.....that space is calling to me to explore it...I can't wait.......

THE BEGINNING..

It's funny, I thought I had decided for sure to move later than January, but looking at my blog I realize I knew before I KNEW. Almost everyone I tell has the same reply when I tell them I am moving to Regina: WHY???????? It makes me laugh because they all have the same puzzled WTF looks on their faces.....so I asked myself why? my answer was why not? Yes, it's as cold as a Yeti's testicles there in the winter, but at least there are real seasons. The winter is the winter no matter where you are, and I would rather spend the winter with my loved one in sub-zero -death-wind than the rainy wintry thing we get here, completely alone. Yes I know I am not ALONE, alone, I have my dear friends and family, but I have had the good fortune of being touched by something I thought would never cross my path again.LOVE. Not just a capitol L but the whole freakin' word. LOVE. I am a person who is highly adaptable, I can work anywhere. I want to try a new place for a while. I need to go and explore some new life, new people, new culture. Yes there is culture in Regina, and at least there "artist" is not a dirty word! Most of all, I want to spend time with the person who makes me feel like a better version of myself, just for having him in my life. Someone who demands nothing less than being completely honest and yourself to the world, even if that means making people uncomfortable by forcing them to question their own honesty and integrity. To practice living a real life, present and accounted for.