TRYING A NEW CHAPTER

This picture of Frida Kahlo is so achingly beautiful. She is so regal and confident about herself, I find it inspiring. I am struggling for inspiration these days, having done a great painting and then started another that is not so great I can't seem to see past what it looks like now to what I could do to it to change the look. I might have to white it out and start again. SIGH. School is plodding along..I am finding it increasingly difficult to stay with the program! I do sound like I am complaining alot these days, which I hardly ever do, but I am not really right in the head right now so it has to go somewhere! It's not like I feel crazy or dramatic or anything, I just feel there is something not"RIGHT" about my life. I think that I am not patient when it comes to me and myself in regards to the fact that yeah, I have a broken heart, yeah I have had the same job for 8 years, yeah I hate my apartment and understanding what it is that I can change to help myself and my situation.

NOT A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME...

I know it has been a little while since I have written but all of my enthusiasm seems to have gone out the window. I did go to Regina for a week. I came home 3 days early. I got food poisoning and Shawn and I decided we are not going to work. I am heartbroken. I had not truely let someone in for so long I had foolishly forgotten the price for all of the highs you feel in Love! I will say that it WAS WORTH IT. It is always worth it, for if you cannot open your heart to love your heart will never open. I loved him more freely than anyone I have ever loved, I was myself with him more than I had ever been with a man. Best of all I believe he loved me back.
So, I am not moving to the Praries. I am now struggling to find good roots here again, having started to dig them up and seperate for the move, I find I am a bit lost as to where I want to be and what I am going to do......I have work ( thank God!) and I have another year of school to think about. Least of all are my worries about love...it will find me again..I can love....I am loveable....onward I go.......

5 MORE SLEEPS!

I leave on Friday morning to go to Regina for ten days! I am definitely looking forward to having a break from school and going to see my sweetie. It sounds like Matt wants to stay in the house which means having a roommate if we stay there too, which I don't mind the idea of. It's just been a while since I've had to live with anyone, let alone a boyfriend and a roomate. I don't think it will be a problem except that he has a really cool cat that will be there too and we all know Luccia and how spazzy she is. Shawn doesn't like her, and I try not to take it personally but I screwed her up as a kitten because I was so needy and I feel she really has to stay with me. I love her and she is part and parcel with me so I guess I will wait and see what happens! anyway, it's a good sign that the only thing I am worried about is cats getting along! ha ha. I hope Melissa will be able to pick me up from the airport if Shawn is working...I want to go to Weyburn anyway and it would be cool for her and me to have a visit. sigh....exams and presentations this week......