THE TIDE RELEASED....

School has wound down now, I only have 3 days left. B has gone back to Toronto for Christmas, which is a two sided thing. I miss his presence, his smell, his touch. More importantly, I know now, down to a cellular level, that he loves me. I know this because the thing I miss the most is the way he looks at me. There is everything in that look, love, desire, pride, appreciation, humor, strength.
The calm has settled over me, I made it. I didn't explode ( too much) and I didn't give up. I didn't sabotage myself. Yes I did neglect my best friends for a bit, but I am good at sucking up! anyway, onward, forever onward.

DAY OF BLAH...

These days I feel trapped. Trapped by my routine, held fast by linear time, with no way out.....never enough time, never enough sleep, never enough money, never enough space...no choice except to keep going...chasing the falling balls I seem to be juggling madly...I want to rest. I want to sleep. I want to not worry about what to make for dinner, or what time I have to get up in the morning...I always have to be somewhere.......I realized after getting a letter from Connie that I have not even read the journal I did while I was at Nada, nor have I really thought about my time there or what experiences I had...I know I have chosen this life right now, and that in the end it is all for me, but I am trying to find the peace in this right now but it's hard...

QUIET MORNINGS....

Lately I have been feeling like life is a freight train that I can't seem to jump off of..it feels good, it feels scary and it sometimes exhausts me to the point of catatonia, but here I am, moving forward. Living with Brian has become lovely, I fear I am getting used to having him around! Trusting myself and my instincts has been a challenge, since my track record has not been that great! but for what it's worth, I am happy. I am broke. I am in love. and Life is propelling me forward, like it or not!

SO MANY THINGS....

well I have been on a whirlwind tour of my life lately.....went to Colorado and stayed in a Hermitage for two weeks alone, started my last year of school, fell in Love. I have a new computer now too which is a dream. I am planning on moving to Toronto in June of 2010, the boy if from there and I have a better chance of getting an awesome design job there, it's only a little more cutting edge than Victoria!!! ha ha ha....more later.......

MOVING FORWARD

things have been buisy and hard these past few weeks. I have been very tired.
I moved, which is great. I am still getting used to the sounds and smells of the new place...where the hell did all the huge black flies come from? was the Devil living here before and forgot to clean up the body? Being on this side of the building has been amazing..It's like a totally different building altogether! so quiet! I have been working alot and I was excepted to go to Nada in the Colorado Mountains for two weeks..I am going mid August. It should be interesting..to say the least! out there in the middle of nature with nothing but the hermatige and the wide open world.