DEEP BREATHS.....

Definitely feeling better daily now. Yesterday I managed to stay in class all day and only really felt gross towards the end. I think the brain zaps are linked to visual information/ stimuli. I ran into my Doctor on my luck break and gave him the run down and he said everything sounded normal, and he congratulated me! I feel I am on the right track! When I go into the kitchen in the morning I still feel the urge to walk onto the bathroom and take my pill, so I don't forget! Old Habits...anyway, onward and upward.

OH SH#T

So this is day three...day one I felt dizzy and kind of spaced out.Nothing too major.
Day two I felt really raw and fragile, like anything would make me want to cry, and I did end up losing it in front of my teacher and leaving class early. Oh yeah, as well as the tears there was swelling rage irrational, quick and intense. Usually at nothing. Not to mention the brain zaps today that are disorienting and frustrating. I feel strangely liberated though. I know I can do this. I have done it with guidance and care from medical professionals and I feel it is the right time so I will keep going.......

OK< SO I"M FEELING BETTER....

Whew! I thought I had totally lost it there for a few days. Maybe I did. I was crippled by the lack of funds and the fear of not being able to get to Toronto when I want. I still don't really know how I am going to do it, but I have taken steps, the only steps I can. I placed an add in Craigslist for a ride share possibility, and I am going to host a house/garage sale in June to whittle down my stuff. We shall see. On a fun note, I have my cards in Zydeco now! yyyaaayy. Rae-Anne told me to bring them in and I finally got off my ass and did it! B is going to try and get back to Toronto, I think, because we don't have enough money to live together. Work has been terrible for him right now and I don't make enough for both of us. The love is strong so it's not hideous, but it would be better if we could eat what we wanted, when we wanted, and go out once in a while. Nervous about going cold turkey on Monday ( going off of Effexor)..done lots of reading and consulted with doctors. They suggested taking one every other day for a while but I chickened out, and I think I can do it if there is no more. Hey, if I can kick two serious benzodiazapines, I can kick this....

I am stressed out. I hate money. I don't know how I am going to make it East in July, I will be homeless, jobless, and broke.wheeeeeeeee

COLD SEASON...IN APRIL?