Friday, November 20
These days I feel trapped. Trapped by my routine, held fast by linear time, with no way out.....never enough time, never enough sleep, never enough money, never enough space...no choice except to keep going...chasing the falling balls I seem to be juggling madly...I want to rest. I want to sleep. I want to not worry about what to make for dinner, or what time I have to get up in the morning...I always have to be somewhere.......I realized after getting a letter from Connie that I have not even read the journal I did while I was at Nada, nor have I really thought about my time there or what experiences I had...I know I have chosen this life right now, and that in the end it is all for me, but I am trying to find the peace in this right now but it's hard...
Saturday, November 7
Lately I have been feeling like life is a freight train that I can't seem to jump off of..it feels good, it feels scary and it sometimes exhausts me to the point of catatonia, but here I am, moving forward. Living with Brian has become lovely, I fear I am getting used to having him around! Trusting myself and my instincts has been a challenge, since my track record has not been that great! but for what it's worth, I am happy. I am broke. I am in love. and Life is propelling me forward, like it or not!